What Grounds You?

We’ve been talking lately about loneliness and ways to get out of that swampland that leads to depression. Lest you think I am minimizing those steps and implying that they are easy, let me talk today about what grounds me and enabled me to take those steps. Whether you are dealing with loneliness or not, having a firm foundation is so vital to surviving all that life throws at us!

Just as with a building, our ability to stand against the stresses of life depends in large part on what grounds us, what our foundation is. I have found through personal experience that I need help dealing with life. For those of you acquainted with the Bible, this will sound very familiar, but my help comes from the Lord! Here is one of my favorite songs to cling to during hard times:

Over and over I have found that during tough times if I will stop and get myself centered with the Lord, I feel refreshed, encouraged and with strength to go on. Do the trials of life go away or change? Not usually, but I have strength beyond my own capabilities as He walks through them with me. If you feel overwhelmed during the day and can’t seem to find the time to stop and be still in His presence, try playing worship songs when you go to bed. They will permeate your sleep hours and give you a much needed refreshing. If you wake in the middle of the night, just talk to Him about what is on your heart or mind, listen to more worship music and relax into His presence. Create a playlist of uplifting worship music and play it while you get ready in the morning, while you are traveling, when you have a break. Let Him build you up- you are so precious to Him, let Him show you this. Next week we will talk about what He says about you- it will likely be very different from what the world says!

If you don’t know Him yet, I would highly encourage you to seek Him- I’d love to help you on that journey, just message me at cellebratelife@gmail.com

Have a blessed day!

Final Step Out of Loneliness

Today we will talk about the final step in expanding our circle of friends. For me, this can be the most difficult step. If you remember from a couple of posts ago, I am innately a very shy person most likely due to low self-esteem issues from childhood. Although I have really worked on this issue for many years and it has improved, it can still crop up at any time. Satan really knows how to bring those self-esteem issues back to the forefront when I let him. He reminds me of every time I’ve failed at something, made a poor choice, spoken before thinking, etc. And his little imps whisper into my ears that I am worthless, can never succeed at anything…well, I’m sure you get the picture. But when I remind myself of what God says about me, all those whisperings flee. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10. Since I am His workmanship and created for good works, even when I make mistakes, it will be ok. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect- He knows that is beyond our capacity!

Back to our expanding circle- the next step is basically connecting with strangers or near strangers. This is even a step beyond last time where we reached out to acquaintances, people we see fairly often but don’t really have a relationship with. Now we are looking for people who we want to connect with. For instance, think of topics or activities that you are interested in. If you love gardening, look for a gardening club in your area or a gardening group on social media. If you love crafting or have always wanted to learn to paint, look for a club or classes in your area. If you love reading, see if there are book clubs in your area. I think you get the picture. You never know who you will connect with over time! Justs be sure that the people you are connecting with are a positive addition to your life (see the above picture).

I really feel as if I should touch on something here. As we reach out to people, there are two pitfalls we may fall into. One is that we hold ourselves too aloof, terrified that we will be rejected or hurt. The other is that we come across as needy or desperate (i.e. I recently saw a tv show where a man was trying so hard to connect with women to date that he came across as needy and weird. I’m sure you’ve seen similar scenarios). Both of these approaches can turn people away before they even get a chance to know you. What helps me so much is to connect first with God and work on my underlying issues that lead to my insecurities. In fact, that’s what I’ve been doing for the last six months. And how cleansing it is to deal with the underlying issues! That is quite a process and one we often can’t do alone. When you begin that journey, just know that it is not an overnight fix. It’s kind of like those 30 pounds I need to lose- much as I wish it could happen in a day or even a week, that is not the case. So be patient and persistent! Press into God- He is there waiting to help you through. Remember: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Have a great day!

Next Stop In Expanding Our Circle

Next Step

If you remember last time, we talked about reconnecting when we feel isolated. First step was looking at what had been our circle of friends and see if there is someone with whom we can reconnect. Let’s look at the next step. Here is our circle for reference:

The next step is to look at folk who are acquaintances. This can be someone we run into often at a store, the beauty parlor, on social media, at meetings, etc. Think of those people and someone in that category who you feel you may have things in common with. In my case, I looked for people who talked about crafting in my Facebook groups. I love crafting and was starting a workshop sideline. I began inviting them to my workshops. It was a great way to start connecting with new people in a less superficial way. I also reached out to two ladies I knew from fundraising activities when I ran a youth center. I asked about joining their organization as I had long thought that it looked like a great social group in addition to their fantastic community activities. This led to a new friendship with one of these ladies and revitalizing a friendship with the second.

Don’t be afraid to reach out! You never know what others are going through and may find that they too are looking for a friend! If the first person doesn’t respond favorably, try another. Just say, “Okay, Next!” By the way, when reaching out, be casual, not needy if you know what I mean:)

Expanding Our Circle

I must apologize for the long silence! I don’t know where the time went! But let’s get back to our discussion! Last time we talked about getting out of that slump of depression that makes loneliness even darker and can make it last longer. So, I had come out of that slump to find that my circle of close friends was basically gone or at least dormant. I had been so busy and so emotionally drained that I had lost contact with everyone except for my husband. Now he is great, and we have a good relationship, but a girl needs girl time with other ladies!

I should tell you that I am innately a very shy person. I grew up with pretty low self-esteem and it has always been hard for me to initiate contact with others. In fact, let me tell you exactly how shy I was in high school- it blows my mind! I remember having to call the bus station to get times for buses going to the town in which I was going to attend college. I literally couldn’t do it and had my one and only friend do it for me- can you believe it?! I’ve come a long way since then, but it is still a struggle in many situations.

Compounding this was the fact that several things had happened in recent years that undermined my confidence. We don’t need to go into detail, but just know that they had shaken me to my core making it difficult to reach out to people. But I did have contact with one person who appeared to think of me favorably, so I reached out to her to see if she wanted to walk for some exercise. That was the start of a great friendship! Sometimes it just takes that one step to open a door. So, if you are in that position, I encourage you to find someone in your circle to contact.

Take a look at the circle above. When I was a special education teacher, we often used a similar circle with students to help them understand relationships. For us, we will use it to think of potential contacts. You can see that you are the purple circle, and your immediate family is the blue circle. If you are like me, the green may at first appear to be empty or nearly so.

First step may be to look at the green circle and think about who used to be there. Have they gone invisible just due to lack of contact? If so, reach out- ask them to lunch or coffee if they are local. Shoot a text, a message or call them if not. See what happens! There’s a weird thing that can happen with our friends. I’ve seen it myself. Sometimes they are just waiting for us to contact them- not sure why contact doesn’t always seem to go both ways, but it doesn’t. Sometimes we all just get busy with our own lives- like me the last month!! We don’t mean to lose contact, but we do. So, think of who you can reach out to. Now, if that- what may be a scary- step isn’t successful, don’t lose heart- we’ll talk about another step next week! Just remember that you are valuable and important. Here’s a great Bible verse to help you remember that- I know that some days it feels like God is the only one who thinks that, but He is the most important One, so it is ok!

Dousing

Does this photo look familiar? It was a very familiar site in Montana last summer as forest fires raged over much of the state. Fire fighting was done both on the ground and, as in this picture, from the sky. This made me think of a major line of defense against loneliness. What? Let me make the connection!

To me, loneliness and depression walk hand in hand. And they both love wallowing- causing us to sink lower and lower as we focus on them and what is not working for us in our lives. It can get to a point where we are almost ‘enjoying’ the negative feelings; we don’t want to do anything to counteract them. So, I found it very important during my loneliest seasons to work against those feelings even when I didn’t want to. My first line of defense is always my relationship with God and when I keep that at the forefront, I stay strong against the depression. However, when I let it slip, depression comes in a bit like a tsunami, crashing over anything positive in my thoughts. So I had to learn how to counteract the crashing waves of depression darkening my world and narrowing my focus to see only the negative things in life. (And actually amplifying them!)

Can you guess what my next line of defense is? I first recognized its power late one October when trials in my life seemed insurmountable, when friends were nowhere to be found and I felt like giving up. One of those thanksgiving challenges was going around Facebook and I was challenged in that public format to post something I was thankful for every day of November. Since I was desperately attempting to hide my depression from others, I felt like I needed to accept the challenge. But oh, was it hard to think of anything to post! Fortunately, I had a few days to prepare.

At first, I complained to myself vehemently that there was nothing to be thankful for and sarcastically said, well, I guess I don’t have any hangnails. My teeth aren’t falling out. My watch works. And so on, naming things that were seemingly unimportant in life. But guess what? Gradually, it became a bit of a game to think of these things and I even laughed at a few. I set a goal of thinking of 20 things by the end of the week (three days). By the end of the three days, my thankfuls had morphed into things that really did matter. I had a job. My job was driving all over my area in beautiful Montana and I began to notice and be thankful for the gorgeous countryside. Ice painted trees gleaming in the sun. Majestic bald eagles soaring in the sky. The mother moose and her yearlings crossing the road. Even a wolf running alongside my car for several feet (although I was especially thankful to be IN the car at that time).

Yes, even my sarcastic thankfuls began to change my mood and my perspective. Nothing else had changed in my life, but my focus had shifted away from all the negativity, and I began to see that my entire life wasn’t horrible. It definitely wasn’t easy at first, in fact it was quite a struggle because that loneliness and depression had become like a form of quicksand, sucking me down into their depths more and more each day. Now here’s the connection with firefighting (I’ll bet you thought I had forgotten!) The thankfuls worked to douse the depression associated with the loneliness. Yes, I was still lonely, but as my outlook became more positive and I stopped walking around with that dark cloud over my head, there did become more opportunities to find connections with new people. And that will be the focus of next week’s blog!

If you are going through that tsunami of depression, loneliness and despair, I would love to connect with you. You are not alone! My email is cellebratelife@gmail.com

Not Alone

I will be posting part 2 of Lonely tomorrow, but in the meantime, here is a song that brings me comfort when I feel alone. I hope it blesses you as much as it does me!! Just click on the link to open the video.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?view=detail&mid=AC9A6D0FE4F1400DE238AC9A6D0FE4F1400DE238&q=you are not alone christian song&shtp=GetUrl&shid=abccfa84-45bd-4d16-bb60-c4eb35e37220&shtk=S2FyaSBKb2JlIC0gSSBBbSBOb3QgQWxvbmUgKExpdmUp&shdk=T2ZmaWNpYWwgTGl2ZSBWaWRlbyBmb3IgYg%3D%3D&shhk=TpVhTtn9C3v8ihcZhLCXlQUiwQKgsXBND4EKIM1vWcg%3D&form=VDSHOT&shth=OVP.jX8MpREs2jsMw4LdeCkiVwHgFo

Curing the ‘Lonely’

 

Lonely.  What does that word bring to your mind?  Is it the person sitting on a park bench with no one else in sight?  Or is it the person standing with a group of boisterous people at a party?  Many people might quickly say that it is the person on the park bench.  In reality however, alone and lonely are not necessarily synonyms.  For lonely is about our state of mind while alone is about our state of being.  The person on the bench could be enjoying some peace and quiet after a busy day while the person at the party may be feeling invisible to or unwanted by those standing around them.  Conversely, the person on the bench may be suffering from extreme depression and the person at the party is thoroughly enjoying themself.   I’m sure we can all relate to any of these scenarios at some point in our lives.

 I think that some of the loneliest times in my life have been when I was in a room full of people while many times alone have been like a breath of fresh air.  I know the crippling effect of loneliness as well as the fulfilling feeling of having a great support system of friends and family in place.  That support system doesn’t necessarily have to be large, just there.  If you are lonely, I’d love to connect with you and be part of this support system for you.  You can contact me via Facebook Messenger (Karen Heinrich McCarthy).

In my next blog, I want to talk about some ways to overcome loneliness, even if you don’t have that support system in place yet.  I’m looking forward to connecting with you!

A Letter of Peace

The following story is, of course, fiction.  However, if our loved ones were able to send us a letter from Heaven, I am sure it would be much like this letter.  Today’s post is for everyone who has lost a loved one, especially a child.

A Letter of Peace- author unknown

A women lost her young son to cancer.  After the funeral services, exhausted both mentally and physically, she found herself alone for the first time in days.  She wandered the silent house, uncertain of what to do.  She discovered herself in her son’s room and lay down on his bed, and finding the scent of him on his pillow, lay there remembering.  Soon she fell asleep.  Hours later, she awoke and found a piece of paper lying next to her on the bed.  She opened it and found the following letter:

Dear Mama,

I know you’re going to miss me, but don’t think that I will ever forget you or stop loving you because I’m not around to say I LOVE YOU.  I’ll think of you every day, Mom, and I’ll love you even more each day.  Some day we will see each other again.

If you want to have another little boy so you won’t be so lonely, he can have my room and my old stuff to play with.  If you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn’t like the same things as us boys do, so you will have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like.

Don’t be sad when you think about me, this is really a great place.  Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything here.

The angels are so friendly, I love to watch them fly. Jesus doesn’t look like any of the pictures I saw of Him, but I knew it was Him as soon as I saw Him. Jesus took me to see GOD!  And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on GOD’S knee and talk to Him like I was somebody important. I told  GOD that I wanted to write you a letter and tell you good-bye and everything, but I knew that wasn’t allowed.

God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter with. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel that is going to drop this letter off to you.  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him about. Where was He when I needed him? God said, “The same place I was when Jesus was on the Cross. I was right there, as I always am with all my children.

Oh, by the way Mom, nobody else can see what is written on this paper but you. To everyone else, it looks like a blank piece of paper.  I have to give God His pen back now, he has some more names to write in the Book Of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for Supper. I’m sure the food will be great.

I almost forgot to let you know – Now I don’t hurt anymore, the cancer is all gone. I’m glad because I couldn’t stand that pain anymore and God couldn’t stand to see me suffer the pain either, so He sent The Angel of Mercy to get me.  The Angel said I was Special Delivery!

Signed with love from: God and Jesus and Me.

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If you are anything like me, you had to run for the tissues while reading that!  I have not had to live through losing a child to death, but I have lost many a foster child with no hope of seeing them again or of being a part of their life any longer- a loss of a different kind, but a loss nonetheless. We all have suffered some type of loss in our lives and can relate in some way to the sentiments surrounding the letter.

Christ tells us in Mathew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  That picture of a strong and mighty Savior who is at the same time gentle and humble is so comforting to me.  He stands before us, desiring to take our burdens and give us rest.   There is a wonderful blessing in Numbers 6 which says, “The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.”’

If you are suffering from a lack of peace in your life, for whatever reason, I pray that you will look up and realize that the Lord is shining His face upon you and is sending His peace.  His peace helps us make it through life’s storms, giving us the strength to rest in the midst of the storm.  Join me the next two days to read two special stories about resting in the midst of storms.

Hug Poem

A Hug- Author Unknown

The Hug!

It’s wondrous what a hug can do.

A hug can cheer you when you’re blue.

A hug can say, “I love you so,”

Or, “Gee, I hate to see you go.”

A hug is, “Welcome back again.”

And, “Great to see you! Where’ve you been?”

A hug can soothe a small child’s pain,

and bring a rainbow after rain.

The hug! There’s just no doubt about it-

we scarcely could survive without it!

A hug delights and warms and charms.

It must be why God gave us arms.

A hug can break the language barrier,

and make your travels so much merrier.

No need to fret about your store of ’em,

the more you give, the more there’s more of ’em.

So stretch those arms without delay

and give someone a hug today!
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I remember not so very long ago when hugs were not a big part of my life. Days when I wished more than anything to have someone to just hold me- that’s all, just to feel loving arms around me. I don’t come from a family of huggers, in fact, more often than not when I was a child, many members of my family avoided touching at all if they didn’t have to. I didn’t really know what I was missing until I got my first job and taught in a school full of ‘touchers.’ These people couldn’t have a conversation without touching you on the arm or the shoulder to emphasize a point. Although it felt uncomfortable at first, I soon became a ‘toucher’ too. I think human contact is a need that is built into us from birth.

The best touch of all, and the one that so many people are searching for without realizing it, is the touch of God in our lives. We have this big empty space in our innermost self that can only be filled by Him. When we try to fill it with stuff, or money, or people or drink/drugs as so many do, that hole seems to get bigger rather than smaller. It is never filled except by Him. He is always there waiting for that relationship but never forces Himself on us. Sometimes we can sense Him in a big way, but other times, He is easy to miss because He is waiting in the stillness of a search to find Him. But His love is always there for us. He loves us so much that ‘He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall have eternal life.” (John 3:16) Not life as we know it with all its pain, turmoil and troubles, but eternal life with Him in the most wonderful place imaginable- no even more wonderful than we can ever imagine.

If you are feeling hugless today, turn to Him and accept His amazing gift and His loving embrace!

Have a blessed day!

The Wooden Bowl

 

The Wooden Bowl- author unknown

A frail old man went to live  with his son, daughter-in-law law, and four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands  trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate  together at the table, but the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing  sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law law became irritated  with the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather, ” said the son. “I’ve  had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” Therefore,  the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of  the family enjoyed dinner. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food  was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s  direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only  words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or  spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One  evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on  the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh,  I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was  spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather’s  hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the  tablecloth soiled.

*********************************************************************************************************

Did a scripture verse pop into your head while you were reading this story?  The one that popped into my head was Luke 6:31, which says, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”  The phrase ‘out of the mouths of babes’ also popped into my head.  Have you ever had a random observation by a child stop you in your tracks?  I certainly have!  How humbling it is when an innocent child calls you to task for your actions or words.  They usually don’t even realize they have done it, which makes it even more impacting to me.

How lonely and humiliated the grandfather in the story must have felt until his children realized what they had done and brought him back to the fold.  How blessed the entire family must have been once he was again sitting at the table and sharing meals with his loved ones.  That little grandson is described in Matthew 5:9, which says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  He didn’t even realize what he was doing, but his innocent actions and words brought joy and peace into his home.

Today, if you come across someone who grates you the wrong way, think of this little boy and look for a way to bless them instead of reacting to their grating behavior.  Be a peacemaker, a child of God!

Have a blessed day!