Through the Eyes of a Child

THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD- Author unknown

PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.  IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.  KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.  AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENT WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID’S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN , THE BLACKSMITH, DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW, WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY. HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

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I thought today that we could use an extra dose of laughter.  Our world seems to be getting more and more disturbing and some levity would seem to be in order about now.  I don’t know about you, but I love to laugh.  It is one of my favorite things to do.  I do know how to be serious when the need is there, but I find that almost any situation, serious or not, can use a sprinkling of laughter.  The Bible mentions laughter or joy quite often. Proverbs 17:22 declares that “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”  I have heard that there is even medical research that suggests laughter heals!  I googled ‘laughter and healing’ and got over thirteen million hits!

In Psalm 126:2, the psalmist tells us, “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’”  Sounds like a great way to spend a day, doesn’t it?  Laughing and shouting for joy because of the great things God has done and is doing for us.  Of course, if your work is like mine, shouting for joy and shrieking with laughter all the time might be a little distracting to others and prevent work from being accomplished, but we can definitely let the joy bubble up within us and spill over in smiles and random acts of kindness!

Have a wonderful, laughter filled day!  Spread the laughter and smiles just quickly as the winter germs were spread around this past winter.    People will appreciate this new ‘plague!’

Have a blessed day!

.

‘Hump Day’ Giggles

It’s Wednesday, ‘Hump Day,’ a great day to start the mornin’ with some laughter!  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in a child’s sincere originality.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?”

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six .”

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. “I love you so much
that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain-killer. She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…. this particular Sunday sermon…”Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust…” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

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Sometimes I think we forget how important words are.  As adults, we have used words for so long that we may begin to take them for granted.  Many words have several meanings depending on how they are used in a sentence.  We also generalize concepts without even realizing it.  Young children, however, are very literal.  I’m sure you’ve asked a youngster to put on their shoes only to be told, “They aren’t shoes, they are sandals!”  How about asking them to put on their gloves only to hear, “They aren’t gloves, they are mittens.”  The children aren’t saying that to be sassy or belligerent; that is the way they interpret the words.

The Bible tells us that God thinks words are important also.  Oh, He may not care about the difference between shoe and sandal or gloves and mittens, but He definitely cares about the words we put into our heads!  We are told in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  In Ephesians 4:29, we find, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

I struggle daily to keep my thoughts full of what is lovely and admirable, excellent and praiseworthy and to keep my words edifying and uplifting at all times.  My natural tendency is to have my mind filled with more mundane or negative thoughts and more thoughtless or trivial words.  I hope you struggle less with this than I do!  I find, however, that when I keep my focus on Him, I am more likely to succeed in my efforts.

So, keep the Son in your eyes and your thoughts on the beautiful things of life and have a very blessed day!

A Child Explains Easter

The Park Bench- Author Unknown

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, for the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day, a young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.

He stood right before me with his head tilted down and said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, with its petals all worn, not enough rain, or to little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away. But instead of retreating he sat next to my side and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise, “It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too. That’s why I picked it; here it’s for you.”

The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, “Just what I need.” But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, he held it mid-air without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time that weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun as I thanked him for picking the very best one.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled, and then ran off to play, unaware of the impact he’d had on my day. I sat there and wondered how he managed to see a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self-indulged plight?

Perhaps from his heart, he’d been blessed with true sight. Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see the problem was not with the world; the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that’s mine. And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose. And smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.
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I love this story because it reminds me, once again, of the innocence of young children, of their amazing ability to see life as something wonderful and new every day. It also reminded me of a story from my life. During my first few years of teaching, I lived and taught in a small town in Idaho. I rented a trailer from another teacher- a trailer surrounded by a cornfield. One of my students lived nearby and he enjoyed knowing that two of his teachers were neighbors. During those first few years of my career, I made very little money and so was eagerly awaiting my tax refund, which seemed to be taking forever to get to me. One day, I drove over to my mailbox on the other side of the cornfield only to find it crammed full of dead, wilted weeds. Being the former city girl that I was, my first thought was that someone had stolen my check and crammed my box full of a trashy substitute in order to thumb their nose at me. But then I noticed that the weeds had little wilted purple flowers on them. Looking around, I noticed how pretty these flowers were when healthy. The next day, I asked my student if he had left me a gift in my mailbox. Beaming, he asked how I liked the pretty flowers (I don’t think he had quite connected what the hot sun and a metal mailbox would do to them over the course of a day:) He was so proud of his thoughtful gift and I was incredibly happy that I had seen it for what it was intended to be and not what it had turned out to be!

I love the beauty of nature, it is something I can enjoy every day as I travel for my job. I am constantly reminded of the awesome power and love of our God through His gift of nature! “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

Enjoy His gifts today and have a very blessed day!

Mid-week Giggle: Out of the mouth of Babes

Here are a few giggles to brighten your day!  Job 8:21  “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouting.”

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”

The Sabbath School Teacher asked, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?” “No, sir,” Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook!”

I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some E-mail. Amen.”

And one particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

A Sabbath school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel microphone, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’ “Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”

A Sabbath school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”

My co-worker’s 3-year-old son, Reese: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Howard is His name. Amen.”

Proverbs 15:8-18

A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit

Psalm 127:3-5

Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.

Mid-week Giggle: A Child’s version of The Unmerciful Servant

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING– author unknown

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be..

When you thought I wasn’t looking I learned most of
life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,’ Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn’t looking.’

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Children are always watching.  They see and hear things we don’t realize they do.  Too often, they see and hear things that are damaging to their fragile egos.  As a teacher, I don’t know how many times children have broken down in tears and confided in me things they perceive to be true that probably aren’t.  For instance, a child overhears parents fighting over how to discipline their child (maybe over whether or not the child should be disciplined).  Some time later, the parent decide to separate.  The child does math their way and comes up with:  fight over child+ divorce= child’s fault the marriage failed.

But, as the above passage shows, children also make positive connections from not just our words, but our actions.  Probably more from our actions than our words, actually.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  That verse is so true.  Our children may go on a bumpy path of their own for a time, but if we have trained them right, they will come back.  My parents had to wait until I was in my 30’s for that to happen, but once I was back on track, I stayed there.

So, if you have young ones, fill their lives with positives, love, and good teachings.  If you have wayward children, continue to pray for them and rest in God’s promises!

Have a blessed day!

Feb 12 Mid Week Giggles

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

A girl came home from school. Her mother asked, “Dear how was your first day at school?”

And the girl replied, “First day? You mean I have to go back there tomorrow?”

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!

Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

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Laughter.  It is good for the soul.  It brightens a day.  I hope these little jokes brought a ray of sunshine into your day.  Proverbs 17:22 says this about laughter, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”  So, may your day be full of good medicine and your bones not be dry:)

Have a blessed day!

Jan 22 Hump Day

It’s Wednesday, ‘Hump Day,’ a great day to start the mornin’ with some laughter!  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in a child’s sincere originality.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?”

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six .”

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. “I love you so much
that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain-killer. She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…. this particular Sunday sermon…”Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust…” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

**********************************************************************************************

Sometimes I think we forget how important words are.  As adults, we have used words for so long that we may begin to take them for granted.  Many words have several meanings depending on how they are used in a sentence.  We also generalize concepts without even realizing it.  Young children, however, are very literal.  I’m sure you’ve asked a youngster to put on their shoes only to be told, “They aren’t shoes, they are sandals!”  How about asking them to put on their gloves only to hear, “They aren’t gloves, they are mittens.”  The children aren’t saying that to be sassy or belligerent; that is the way they interpret the words.

The Bible tells us that God thinks words are important also.  Oh, He may not care about the difference between shoe and sandal or gloves and mittens, but He definitely cares about the words we put into our heads!  We are told in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  In Ephesians 4:29, we find, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

I struggle daily to keep my thoughts full of what is lovely and admirable, excellent and praiseworthy and to keep my words edifying and uplifting at all times.  My natural tendency is to have my mind filled with more mundane or negative thoughts and more thoughtless or trivial words.  I hope you struggle less with this than I do!  I find, however, that when I keep my focus on Him, I am more likely to succeed in my efforts.

So, keep the Son in your eyes and your thoughts on the beautiful things of life and have a very blessed day!

What would you ask God? Children respond.